The Indian wedding season is the only one of its kind in the world. For one thing, pretty much everyone else can get married at any time of the year but we do it either in the height of summer or the depths of winter. Wedding preparations begin well in advance, all the relatives show up at your house, a billion or so ceremonies have to be completed, all of which are probably big contributing factors to the low divorce rate. People bored with their marriage and thinking of getting a divorce factor in all that they will have to go through if somehow they do choose to get married again and suddenly the old one starts to seem real good.
There are some characters you will always meet at a wedding and in a way, the whole experience would not be complete without them I guess. Some you love to have around, others you wish you had forgotten to invite. Yet others are champions for the cause of remaining celibate. But in the end if you can survive them all, chances are good that you can survive being married.
There are some characters you will always meet at a wedding and in a way, the whole experience would not be complete without them I guess. Some you love to have around, others you wish you had forgotten to invite. Yet others are champions for the cause of remaining celibate. But in the end if you can survive them all, chances are good that you can survive being married.
1. The Know-it-all, Do-it-all
If you pay enough attention, this type is not that hard to spot. Not limited to either gender, this type of person will usually be encountered:
a. At the doorstep as you enter
or
b. As the centre of attention, making more noise than the next ten people put together
A woman of this specie will usually be the one who latches herself onto the bride or groom like a leech and then just doesn't let go. Even if the poor hapless being tries to detach his/her self, she will follow in completele oblivion of the fact, adjusting their clothing for them, sending off people to get them food or water and telling everyone within earshot just how tired all this hassle has made the poor thing, as if getting married wasn't his/her own idea in the first place.
While usually sticking to their own flock, she may sometimes switch to the opposing party upon detecting a lack of a similar personality there, especially if she is originally from the groom's side or if she finds herself facing the TCC (Territorial Claim Crisis)*
The male of the specie differs from the female in the nature of territory. Unlike the female, he will usually not be found within a ten meter radius of the bride or groom. No, he will be the one who struts around "taking care" of the arrangements. Now, this activity is not to be confused with the preparatory taking care of arrangements. This signifies going from pillar to post asking everyone if everything is in order, inspecting and fiinding faults (often imaginary) with all the work that has been already been done, pulling people from their work in full panic to come look at the impending crisis and then nodding along self-importantly as the whole thing is explained to them just for the sake of keeping them from pulling more people out and wasting even more time, making a show of being convinced and then giving five pointless reasons why the other person is right and yes, it should be done this way, now I see it too. The activities of this creature acquire new zeal (and greater annoying potential) in the presence of a female he is trying to impress.
Either gender of this variety of personality will usually be found telling all who care to listen or are simply too incapacitated to run away, just how much work they have done since morning, how early they woke up, how tired they are, how much their joints hurt and the most important, how nothing ever gets without them and how everything will simply collapse into oblivion if they take a break. They may also show up either more dressed up than the bride or groom or less dressed than the waiters, the latter being to signify the austerity and dedication toward taking care of everything that they have, which leaves no time for anything else.
Either gender of this variety of personality will usually be found telling all who care to listen or are simply too incapacitated to run away, just how much work they have done since morning, how early they woke up, how tired they are, how much their joints hurt and the most important, how nothing ever gets without them and how everything will simply collapse into oblivion if they take a break. They may also show up either more dressed up than the bride or groom or less dressed than the waiters, the latter being to signify the austerity and dedication toward taking care of everything that they have, which leaves no time for anything else.
*TCC: The TCC takes place when two or more than two of the specie happen to be on the same side or when another of the specie from the opposite side may be trying to encroach upon the home territory. This situation is characterised by a marked presence of barely suppressed rage camouflaged by over-zealous laughter and careful nudging and elbowing.
2. The Critics
Generally found in an older age group, this specie is never satisfied with anything. Everything has a fault and nothing is right with the world, at-least for them. Ask them how they are and the reply will be that they are fine but could have been better if the (already plush cushioned) seats were just a tad bit softer or if the bride's makeup were a bit less garish. And yes, they will say that to your face. Try and satisfy them you can't so it's best to just leave them to their grumbling or find them a buddy to do the grumbling with.
3. Lights, Camera.... Action!!
Every wedding needs a photographer and a videographer. They're big, important events which you want to keep a record of. So you hire a video guy who shows up with enough equipment to fill a small bus, plus two assistants to boot. And not every ceremony is held in a huge hall. The result? Family members peek in from the doors and windows while the video man enjoys a place of pride right next to the bride or groom or both as the case might be. Often, it seems that the course of events is directed more by the videographer than the priest, who must attempt to quietly marry the happy couple off while still managing to stay out of the way of the camera, the lights and the wires.
4. My Best Friend's Wedding....and I'm next!
I call these the scouts. These are people who go to weddings with only one goal in mind-to "network." They'll flirt with every unmarried woman in sight and although never successful in these attempts, are a study in optimism. These can usually be found lurking near the food or drinks counters, hoping to make connections which never really materialize.
5. Did you hear...?
And finally, the gossip mongers. They don't care who is getting married, couldn't care less if they live a happy life or wallow in the pits of misery. All they care about is gossip. These people go to a wedding or any other gathering with a single point agenda of getting as much dirt on everyone as possible. From whose kids got into which colleges to how much dahej is being given by the bride's family, they not only know it all but also don't hesitate before making things up to compensate for any lack of knowledge.
3. Lights, Camera.... Action!!
Every wedding needs a photographer and a videographer. They're big, important events which you want to keep a record of. So you hire a video guy who shows up with enough equipment to fill a small bus, plus two assistants to boot. And not every ceremony is held in a huge hall. The result? Family members peek in from the doors and windows while the video man enjoys a place of pride right next to the bride or groom or both as the case might be. Often, it seems that the course of events is directed more by the videographer than the priest, who must attempt to quietly marry the happy couple off while still managing to stay out of the way of the camera, the lights and the wires.
4. My Best Friend's Wedding....and I'm next!
I call these the scouts. These are people who go to weddings with only one goal in mind-to "network." They'll flirt with every unmarried woman in sight and although never successful in these attempts, are a study in optimism. These can usually be found lurking near the food or drinks counters, hoping to make connections which never really materialize.
5. Did you hear...?
And finally, the gossip mongers. They don't care who is getting married, couldn't care less if they live a happy life or wallow in the pits of misery. All they care about is gossip. These people go to a wedding or any other gathering with a single point agenda of getting as much dirt on everyone as possible. From whose kids got into which colleges to how much dahej is being given by the bride's family, they not only know it all but also don't hesitate before making things up to compensate for any lack of knowledge.
No comments:
Post a Comment